Not Goodbye

Blog No. 2: Moving to Santa Cruz

It's official. I'm moved into my room.

I've decorated.

Sunday was a very emotional day, overall.

I stayed up until 3 AM, moving my bags and bins downstairs and compressing the amount of stuff I'm taking—granted I could've been done earlier if I wasn't trying to distract myself from my packing and my emotions by watching an NCIS marathon and talking to Taylor online. I've literally divided my room in half, taking only half of my instruments, half of my clothes, half of my books, etc. Here I'm thinking I'll have one or two bins and a few bags to carry along with me. Then I start looking down the list, adding some essentials that I haven't thought of, like hangers and boots. Before I know it, I end up packing two very full bins, a laundry basket of clothes, two "green" bags of bath towels and other miscellaneous stuff, a laundry basket of two blankets, a laundry bag of shoes, my formal wear in a hanger bag, a sleeping bag, my keyboard, Slanket, a trash can, a duffel bag of more miscellaneous stuff, two of mom's last minute bags, some new pillows, and Kaylah's care package from her mom. The van did not have much floor room once I packed everything in it.

As a result of staying up late, I woke up two hours later than I intended. Realizing this, I quickly ran into the shower and got ready, only to discover that only John and the baby were up downstairs, both still in their pajamas.

A few minutes later, Audrey woke up and walked downstairs to take care of the baby. She told me that she hasn't told Lennox that I was moving… That I had to tell him that I would be gone for awhile. I thought on it and tears already started welling up in my eyes. Seeing as I was in front of Audrey, I tried dismissing the tears and distract myself from them, but I knew she noticed them. She could always notice them.

She then walked upstairs, leaving me alone with the baby. I held him in my arms, almost hugging him. I stood with him in front of the bathroom mirror, like I usually do when he fusses, and saw the both of us in that glass. I saw my bloodshot eyes, my forced smile above my quivering chin trying to contain it all in. I leaned against the doorframe, making Lennox lean back a little to see my face. The little bugger stared at me for a second, gave me a super cute smile, and fell back on my chest, resting his arms on my shoulders.

John came downstairs and I handed Lennox off to him. I stood aside to recover from that moment and walked upstairs to tally up anything else that I needed. After Audrey got out of the shower, she, John, and Lennox left for the apartment in their red car. John drove back in the van for me to pack my stuff. Then we drove back to the apartment, where I saw my mom, still content with a brave face on.

My aunt had heard the door open and close to the apartment, taking that as my arrival. She walked into my mom's room where I stood. I bent lower as I embraced her for a few seconds. She gave me a few blueberry muffins that she made that morning, then left to go shopping. With this embrace, I felt only a small urge for tears, not because I would miss her less, but because I felt that we had this unspoken understanding. That embrace basically said, "Not goodbye. We will see each other later." I speak hug. XD

Later, when everything was packed and what not, we all took a trip to Panera, the bread place that Kaylah and I usually go to for our lunches. I got a chicken frontega panini, which was pretty good, (minus the onions). I also ventured next door to the It's A Grind, where I got myself a black cherry mocha. It was pretty tasty. The purpose of Panera was to have a one last time hangout before I left to be together as a family, the five of us enjoying a meal and casually chatting about mundane things. It was nice.

After that lunch, we all headed back to the apartment, where all the real emotion welled up.

Mom and I realized that it was finally getting to be goodbye, so I could feel the both of us trying to fight back our tears. We could barely speak. The both of us just mainly hugged each other, one last time, and just fought the urge to stay that way. After she hugged me, she took my face in her hands and landed a big motherly kiss on my cheek, followed by an even more tearful hug.

My mom grabbed Lennox from John. Then my mom held Lennox's hand up to wave goodbye. When she let go, he was still waving, not much, but just enough.

So much for staying strong through this…

John and Audrey headed to the van, where I followed, trying to hide my bloodshot eyes. The emotion was shrugged off as I tried joking around with John while he was getting ready to drive. In the van, we just basically remained quiet. All you could hear were the sounds of the annoying Tom Tom and mixed music mixes from Disney and emo bands blasting from the van stereo. I thought this was a good time as any to finish writing some of my blogs.

The drive went over pretty well. It only took about two and a half hours, where the last half hour consisted of a very swervy, hilly road. When we arrived off the exit, I started to recognize some of the Santa Cruz landmarks, like the big River Street sign where Gigi's was located. A few streets later, we arrived at the little village complex thing, where I knocked on the familiar door, for the first time as a Santa Cruz resident.

Terry answered the door and welcomed me. I beckoned him over to the van, where I introduced him to Audrey and John before we started moving my stuff into the house. Terry, John, and I moved all of my stuff back into the house, which only took about three trips to do. When you look at the sheer volume of stuff, however, it seems like a lot.

Audrey and John were looking at Kaylah's place for the first time, so they were observing random things I haven't pointed out before, like how there are quite a few pictures of cats on the walls. XD

After a phone call to mom and Lennox, the four of us decided to go on and venture Santa Cruz as a whole. Terry and I showed Audrey and John the view from the hill behind their housing complex. From that height, you could literally see the Santa Cruz Boardwalk "Drop-Zone" ride.

John then drove the four of us through campus by Terry's directions. We basically made a circle around campus to the main buildings, the gist of where I would be hanging out the most. We found our way to the Kresge East apartments, where we all hopped out and looked from outside. These apartments are NOT like the ones Kaylah had lived in. The buildings are of a different architecture. The dorms were taller, green, and had a log cabin feel to them. I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about that, but all I could care about was where I was going to sleep. I really wanted to sneak into my room to see what it looked like, but I still had no idea where I was bunking…

Audrey had commented that she never realized how woodsy the campus was, even though I tell people that the campus is on a hill in the middle of the woods. I shrug. Both Audrey and John liked the campus anyway. All the way around, John and Terry were talking about random video game and comic stuff, just like I predicted they would. XD

Then, John drove us to Kaylah's work at Gigi's. Kaylah came out from the kitchen to say hello. She seemed really overworked, like she usually did. She warned us that she still had about an hour or two left of work. Audrey and John still wanted something to eat, so I gave them the idea of Erik's Café, Piper's and my choice of restaurant.

John did not want to drive anymore, seeing as he had to drive all of those hills and roads all day. I wouldn't blame him, though I wondered whether or not Audrey would be up to the walking because we were really walking out of our way to the restaurant. They seemed fine with it… So, the four of us walked to downtown Santa Cruz. Audrey and John were gazing at all of the random shops down the one street.

When we arrived, I thought it had closed already. Fortunately, when I walked up to the door, it wasn't the case. I got my usual Abbot's Habit sandwich with tomato bisque soup. I remember John got this holiday sandwich that could only be described as Thanksgiving leftovers packed into a sandwich. Audrey liked her sandwich, but was a little disappointed with the chocolate "meltdown" cake as it wasn't gushing chocolate fudge like the picture showed us it would.

Afterwards, Terry got Kaylah something to go and then we walked back to Kaylah's work. This was where I said goodbye to Audrey and John. This goodbye wasn't at all emotional, probably because I was in front of company that haven't seen me in tears yet. Audrey did give me a hug, which I noticed I haven't really ever gotten in my adulthood. John gave me the awkward, "brother-in-law" hug as he called it. XD

All in all, it was a very emotional day. I did feel that Kaylah radiated a lot more excitement that day then I ever did. I kinda figured that was why she asked if I was genuinely excited to be moving in.

I am. I really am. I just feel that if I show some excitement, some sadness might've also escaped.