The Crappy Goose Chase, Or, God Hates Drivers

Blog No. 96: The Crappy Goose Chase, Or, God Hates Drivers

Wake up time: 6:06 AM

I snoozed for most of the time between 6 and 8.

I got up and took a shower, finally, somewhere around that time. Then the shower kind of called my name in a more soothing tone... I need to replace the shower curtain... Lewis Black is super funny out of context... 

Wake up time: 9:08 AM

The hot water faded away. The symphony in my head had reached its climactic end, unfortunately. So I walked out and the mirror was completely fogged over and wet. I'm not used to my old bathroom anymore. D:

Got dressed, met the deadline of 10 AM. Judge Judy played in my room. 

Walked downstairs to see my mom taking care of Lennox. Then I waited on a slightly uncomfortable chair and ottoman combo. The seat cushion might as well be invisible for what it's worth. So I slouched... and slouched... and slouched into a reclining position, dreaming of sisters and courtdates...

Wake up time: 11:48 AM

"I thought you guys were leaving at 10 to practice driving?" Audrey slowly walked downstairs from the master bedroom.

Crap. Why the hell am I still tired?

So I stretched, again, and bounced back up. 

First we dropped off the van at my aunt's work to trade it with my car, which is currently her drive around town vehicle. Then I drove all the way downtown to Broadway. Drove up to the DMV. Then drove out of the DMV parking lot, because it was nearly 2 and I still had an hour to kill. 

So I drove... and drove... and drove... I ended up at Sac State. 

Crap. Went too far...

I tried driving back the way I came. I traveled down Folsom boulevard for the longest time. Then I drove up Folsom. Down Folsom. Up Folsom. 

Piper called, so I pulled over in front of a bagel bakery. "Kind of driving right now. Will call later!"

Then I drove down Folsom. Up Folsom. Down Folsom.

Kaylah texted, twice, so I pulled over in front of a large, decapitated head of a female statue. It went like:

1) Some of my family is coming up during that weekend you and Angela are coming, so is there any way you can entertain her during that time? I haven't seen them since July. :P

2) Crap. Wrong weekend. Please disregard last message! :)

My mom spoke up and asked what I was doing, to put it mildly. To put it bluntly, she made me super nervous. I told her my brilliant plan, travel down Folsom to look for Broadway. It was then when she said, "Both Folsom and Broadway are parallel to eachother."

Crap. I'm lost on the outskirts of downtown. 

Bad place to be before a driver's test. 

So I drove the opposite direction I was going to reach Sac State, again. Then I crossed a neighborhood street to get onto J street. Then I swirled around the numbered streets in decreasing order until I reached Alhambra, which was between 30th and 31st. 

I pulled over at Del Taco because the car was getting too hot. I realized how nervous I was when I went into the bathroom to wet my face. I stared into the mirrorless white brick wall and felt trickles of near-clear liquid droplets down my face, 1% of which was self produced. 

Crap. Mental breakdown.

I decided to call back Piper, "It's complicated, I'm not going to take the test." Which was true. I needed a soda... And some excedrin...

My mom said, "You still have some time, dear. Just relax for a minute, eat your quesadilla, and we'll hit the DMV." 

I was silly. It's easy enough, right? It's like a normal test, only you have someone watching your every move and mark you down for whatever move you make... A peeping tom with a California State worker's salary... 

I ate my cheddar quesadilla, no green sauce, and munched on a few fries. Once I got food in my system, and after a giant gulp of soda, I was ready to hit the streets again.

I reached the DMV, concealing highly pumped adrenaline coursing through my body. When I went up to the counter, I told them my name and liscence number. Before I gave him the insurance and registration for the Malibu, the pudgy, indian homo said in the most defiant tone he could produce, "Sorry, you're not scheduled for an appointent today."

... Shit.

I could feel the corners of my mouth were searing with pain. I realized I must be containing misguided, blinding white fury into my face. I must've looked creepy. So after a second, I gave him an, "Aww, I'll have to try again next time."

I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I walked out of the DMV, resisting the urge to flip the building off realizing how silly that would look. I sat in the driver's seat, passed the paper work to my mom, and pulled out of the DMV. My mom was filled in between deep, calming breaths.

She busted up laughing all the way home.

...

Then she told my aunt, and they busted up laughing together in stereo.

...

I'm going to the South Sac DMV from now on.