What's Love Gotta Do With It?

Blog No. 88: My Views on Love

--->Blog Start Tuesday, March 23 8:45 PM

I decided to do a rant on love. No idea why. Warning, what follows is a major self examination into my inner psyche. Here's a way to get into my heart, theoretically:

I'm not going to ask anyone out. At least not yet.

---It could mean I'm lazy---

The way I see it, I will go out with someone if they ask me first. I have two reasons for this.

I grew up without a father. I still don't know him as a person or why he left, if he left. I don't even know if I want to know. I always wonder what would've happened if he were still in my life. On the one hand, I wouldn't be the same person I am today. But the other hand tells me that I'm deprived in some way I don't understand. I would want a relationship where I know from the get-go that we would both be willing to stay committed, whether or not that relationship pursues to marraige and whether or not that relationship pursues to kids. I don't want anyone getting hurt if worse comes to worse. If they ask me out first, then I would know whether or not they are willing to try it out, and I'll try my hardest to keep the love alive, so to speak. If/when I find someone, they'll always fit within the four corners of the picture frame. If she needs my time, I'll make it.

I would also want the strong, laugh-in-the-face-of-tradition woman to be all up in my face. If she stands on her two feet and ask me out, then I can tell that if she wants something from me, she'll make it known. I see women trying to do all this random crap, trying to manipulate the situation to get a guy to ask her out. Like in high school, I had someone ask me to ask someone else she liked if he liked her, but without it being so obvious. I ended up tying the conversation with a tarot card trick, to see what kind of reaction he got when I mentioned a future with her specifically. I also heard of other ways, like a girl inviting someone she likes and another couple, selling it as a day out with friends (when really she was trying to set the mood to get him to talk and eventually ask her out). Too complicated for my taste. Simpler Solution: It's the modern era ladies, ask him out.

If she follows this simple solution, she will have the confidence I want in a woman. She would have the confidence that I would envy, and she would be the person I would look up to. Love is a rock, and I would want her to be my rock. Of course relationships are give and take so I'd be her rock, too, granted it might crumble... XP

She would be open to new ideas, too. Like right now, I'm picturing my wedding day. Seeing as I have so many female friends to speak of, I'm thinking I would want a Best Woman, with groomsmen being female, and the bride would have the "Maid of Honor" to be male, as well as her bridesmaids. Weird right? I believe that the person I would end up with would be open to this idea. Open to being different and open to making everyday as different and memorable as the one we spent before it. It's why I love the movie Yes Man so much! Jogging Photography class! XP

My policy on relationships: To be fair, I'm open to whatever comes my way. I'm not religious, but I believe that whatever comes happens for some reason. At least to an extent.

Fate will swing me whichever way the wind blows. I grew up in an accepting environment throughout the years. If it means that it ends up being a hermaphrodite with one eye, a blowfish at the fishtank at Rubio's, or even just a guy asking me out, so long as I know they're serious, then I'd be willing to try. An example: if Dustin ever came out of the closet and asked me out I would be open to dating him...

---Well... Admittedly, I would first laugh in his face, thinking he was pulling an elaborate joke, then avoid him for a couple of days if he pursued this joke a little too far, then feel sympathy for him when he does something huge to proclaim his love, then stare cross-eyed in a mirror for awhile and wonder what I got myself into... But after all that, I'd say yes... I think...

Maybe Dustin's a bad example... I don't have enough single, straight guy friends who I wouldn't be embarassed in using as an example---

However, it doesn't mean that I'm indifferent to who I'm attracted to. I have very minimal experience with relationships, but of what I've been through, I can definitely tell you that if I do ask someone out, I'm asking a woman. XP

I believe in the whole "don't knock it if you try it thing." I would guess this was why so many people in college thought I was gay. [Insert embarassing story here. XP] In high school, it was more of a YOUR-AWESOME!-HUGZ!!! type of atmosphere, and we didn't care if someone was gay or jew or black or alien or supah religious or what have you. No judgments! Then college happened and it turned into the weird stereotypical high school now and made my quirks kind of awkward with people... But I digress.

I'm not really looking for sex. Not in the least bit. It would be a perk, or a moment in my life I do not want to relive. I will bring up, again, that I'm not religious. However, I will most likely follow the unwritten rule I was raised with, "marraige before sex." Either way, not really looking for sex. I may joke about it a lot, but really I share Patric's view of sex, "Kind of awkward. You can't make a starship with just two pieces." XP

So right now, I'm taking it easy. I don't have a need for a relationship, so I'm enjoying the single life. There may be one day when I find her but that doesn't have to be soon. Slow and steady is always good. XD

So yeah. I'm going to leave it at that. It might change after awhile, seeing as life has a way with changing these kind of things. Love isn't one of those things that's supposed to be defined in just a few words. So even though I'll say "Blog End" it's not the end...

--->Blog End 9:59 PM